Post — Strong Like Bull

Just because I attend a lot of events and know how to take a good, smiling photo that’s posted on Facebook, that does not make me lucky. “I was lucky”, as Sheryl Sandberg said, “until I wasn’t.”

Granted, most people are not trying to be jerks. They just don’t think about it from our point of view.

Actual comments that I’ve had said to me:

“You are so lucky!”

“At least”…followed by it was quick, or something along those lines.

“It really seems like things are going well for you.”

“You have the best life.”

“I know what you are going through. My divorce was awful.”

This is from John Polo’s site:

(Don’t) Call me Lucky

You are lucky. You got to say Good Bye.

You are lucky. You didn’t have to watch them die.

No.

And, one more time for good measure: NO!

I lost my wife to cancer. To one of the most rare and aggressive cancers known to man.

A cancer so rare that only one person a year in the world gets what she had.

For two and a half years I watched her suffer.

I watched her suffer physically. The images of her pain embedded into my brain for the rest of time.

I watched her suffer mentally. The knowledge that she was battling an aggressive beast inside of her that was not to be beaten.

I watched her suffer emotionally. The realization of what was to come and who she would be leaving behind.

I am lucky?

No. I am not. Lucky.

The horror of a two and half year cancer battle from Hell does not make me lucky.

Fact: There is nothing lucky about watching someone you love die a slow and painful death.

You know who else is not lucky?

You.

The person who lost your love suddenly.

The person who lost your love from a heart attack. Or a car accident.

The person who lost your love from a murder. Or a war.

True, you may not have watched them suffer.

True, their pain may not have been as prolonged.

That does not make you lucky.

Not in any way. Shape. Or form.

Fact: There is nothing lucky about losing someone you love suddenly, and without warning.

You had no time to prepare. No chance to say Good Bye.

You had no chance to say everything one last time.

I am not saying all loss is equal. I am actually saying the exact opposite.

Each and every loss is unique.

Each and every pain its own.

As the exact circumstances of each situation and passing are different, there are undoubtedly some losses that are more tragic than others.

The truth, though, is this: When you lose someone you love dearly, ‘Lucky’ is not a word that you EVER want to hear.

Don’t tell me that I am lucky because I got to say Good Bye.

Don’t tell them that they are lucky because they did not have to watch them die.

Save that word.

For the healthy. For the living. For the carefree.

Lucky?

We only wish, that we could be.