Post — Strong Like Bull

Sad but true. There are nasty people out there that prey on the weakness or perceived weakness of others in a vulnerable state.

Widow’s Fog

At the time you most need to be thinking straight, you will not be able to.

You will have Grief Brain/Widow’s Fog, whatever you want to call it. It’s real. Write everything down, you will not remember it if you don’t. Keep lists. Take photos of checks or anything that you want to remember. Don’t throw out any paperwork, don’t do anything major at all if you can help it.

In my case, I had no time to prepare as Bill died so quickly. I have friends whose husbands were sick for years, and in their cases, they had time to get things in order. I had no time. And regardless of which side of the coin you are on, no matter what, you are going to be in a fog.

I had to arrange to sell three vehicles, one of which was a very high-end (until it came time to sell), brand new motorhome. It wasn’t easy, but because I reached out to people that I knew or who knew people in that world, I got it sold. And because our car guy is and still is, a very close friend, he arranged for me to sell Bill’s Range Rover back to the dealer. But there were things that happened like the fact that I hadn’t been driving the tow vehicle and the battery died. And since everything is electronic, the vehicle needed a brand new battery which could only be done at the dealers, etc…sounds like not a big deal, but when your spouse just died, dealing with these little things can feel overwhelming.

There is a lot that has been written on this subject, and as I recall in Widow to Widow, she addresses it quite well.

Bad People

As much as we’d hope that everyone means well, there are people that do not. I’ve been fortunate that in my personal life, I haven’t had anyone try and take advantage of me.

In business though, it’s a different story. I’m in a very competitive business and have been at the top of my industry in my area for a while now. This was due to a lot of blood, sweat, and tears from Bill and me. We worked very hard to be the best.

When he died, I know for a fact that there were horrible people in my industry that thought it would be better for them that he was gone as it was well known that he ran the back of the house of the business. That first year my team was again number one in our sales volume, even with losing Bill. So things went along as they had been

Then the true colors of certain people showed their ugly heads, to mix some metaphors. Things were done to me, and are continuing to be done, by people that would have never dared to pull this kind of behavior if Bill was still around. So that is irritating. But on the flip side, if they think I’m going to roll over and not take care of business, they have another thought coming. I’m not about to let dishonest, unethical people get away with it. It’s only a matter of time before they have to pay the piper.

Pay Attention

The thing is to be aware. Find people you can trust who specialize in whatever you are dealing with and run things by them. Get a different perspective. Make sure you are doing the right thing. And take your time.

There are plenty of things on my Evernote list that I haven’t gotten to yet. And you know what? The world is still spinning. It didn’t stop because I didn’t get a utility put into my name or cancel a driver’s license, etc…I will get to those things when I can.

Insurance

One of the worst things was dealing with the insurance. On a good day, that is not something that I care to deal with. And when the paper flood starts coming in you can drown in it. I gathered everything into piles, organized it and a neighbor couple of mine who runs their own insurance business volunteered to look over everything and help me.

One of the things that I didn’t know is that a lot of the bills will be “forgiven” when the insured person is dead. I would have just been paying bills, thinking I was doing the right thing if at some point I didn’t learn this fact from someone on the other end of the phone one day.

I would have found out a lot more if I’d been part of the online groups at that point, but I wasn’t. So it’s a good thing to get connected right away. I guarantee that if you post a question, you’ll get the answers from a lot of people and it will save you time and energy.