Horrible People Post from LegacyConnect on Jan 25, 2017

I think the same thing all the time. How is it that there are horrible people walking around just fine and we've lost good, kind people. The only thing I can figure out is that if the bad people were taken, people wouldn't care as much. When the good ones are taken, especially too young as in all of our cases, it really makes a difference not only in our lives but in the lives of everyone that knew them. We all ask why every day and what if and it goes on and on. The tears still come with the enormity of it all. Some days are just overwhelming a lot more than others and you feel like how can you go on without your person? I ask myself that every day and today was the 5 month mark. Corey is right with the it "sucks". I have a friend that used much worse language than that and I had to agree. One minute at a time and then one hour at a time and then one day at a time. It's all we can do.

How Do You Cope Post from LegacyConnect on Jan 27, 2017

Brenda, I talk to my Bill all day, every day. I just spent half an hour with unstoppable tears as I was folding laundry that had been piling up for 2 weeks. I had washed some of Bill's shirts that had been in his suitcase from the hospital that I just finally got around to opening after 5 months. Seeing his clothes just sent me over the edge. I still haven't done anything about the closet. I just can't seem to do it quite yet. I went to see Vanessa Williams last night and towards the end of the concert, she sang a song from Show Boat (I think) and it was all about "Bill". I tell you that I kept it together, but just barely. I too, remember holding hands and I still reach out at night, in bed and hope to feel his hand in mine. It's unbelievable the heartbreak that we go thru and somehow keep breathing thru. Most days I just think to myself that I just don't know how I'm going to do it and then I do. I keep telling myself that Bill's death has had such an impact on so many people and that that must be God's plan. To make the people that knew him more aware of how they treat their loved ones and to appreciate them more. I only wish that he was still here so that I could do the same.

God's Plan & Meaning of Death Post on LegacyConnect Jan 15, 2017

Brenda, I talk to my Bill all day, every day. I just spent half an hour with unstoppable tears as I was folding laundry that had been piling up for 2 weeks. I had washed some of Bill's shirts that had been in his suitcase from the hospital that I just finally got around to opening after 5 months. Seeing his clothes just sent me over the edge. I still haven't done anything about the closet. I just can't seem to do it quite yet. I went to see Vanessa Williams last night and towards the end of the concert, she sang a song from Show Boat (I think) and it was all about "Bill". I tell you that I kept it together, but just barely. I too, remember holding hands and I still reach out at night, in bed and hope to feel his hand in mine. It's unbelievable the heartbreak that we go thru and somehow keep breathing thru. Most days I just think to myself that I just don't know how I'm going to do it and then I do. I keep telling myself that Bill's death has had such an impact on so many people and that that must be God's plan. To make the people that knew him more aware of how they treat their loved ones and to appreciate them more. I only wish that he was still here so that I could do the same.

The Aloneness Post from LegacyConnect Jan 12, 2017

Sara, Marsha, Harold and all...will check out that movie as it sounds helpful. And happy belated birthday, Marsha. I think of all of you pretty much every morning when I do my walk and talk to Bill on my way to the gym. It's only about 5 minutes each way but it helps me set up the rest of my day. When I think of all of you (and myself), it's to wonder how all of us get thru each day with the grief of what we have in our hearts? It's less than 5 months for me since Bill passed and I cry multiple times per day with the sorrow of it all. I know that we are all in the same boat. So although it doesn't make me feel any better, it does make me feel less alone. Because really, the "aloneness" of it all is really the worst part, I think. That and all the questions that we'll never have answers for. I continue to keep all of you in my heart and pray for peace for all of us.

The Thoughts in Our Heads Post from LegacyConnect Oct 11, 2016

Deb, the worst times seem to be in the car driving home from work or dinner and then when I'm working in Bill's home office. Also walking to and from the gym where we live. I guess there are a lot of bad times because everything is a trigger. Last night was bad. The things that haunt me, and I know that everyone probably has these thoughts, but my mind keeps going back to the last few months (basically since Bill got sick) and thinking about how quickly he got sick and was there anything else that I could have done, was he scared, was he in pain, did he know what was happening to him...? I know it's pointless because there are no answers that I don't already have, but it's so hard to get those images out of my head. I try and think about how he was before June and to remember him as he was, not how this horrible disease made him (so helpless and not able to communicate much) over the ten weeks that we knew about it. It will only be 7 weeks this Thursday, so I know it's too soon, but I do wonder when there will be a respite from the thoughts.