Post — Strong Like Bull

Note: This community was the place that I went to to vent. It was very helpful to be surrounded by others that know exactly how you feel. I’m not posting anyone’s responses to me in order to respect their privacy since it’s a group that you have to be vetted to join. But it was my “therapy” and “journaling”, so to speak.

My husband, Bill, passed away three weeks ago after a less than 3 month battle with a glioblastoma. I've been on a roller coaster since the day I took him to the ER on June 7th. He went from having weakness in his right leg for a couple of months (the doctor told him he had a virus), to walking very slowly to not seeming to be "himself". Enough so that I stood in front of his desk at home and told him I wasn't leaving until he came with me to the ER. 12 hours later they told us he had a brain tumor but they didn't know what kind. He had a biopsy after all his tests showed them nothing and I got the news on his birthday, the end of June that it was a GMA stage 4. He had surgery in San Diego thru UCSD on July 8th and after a few days in the hospital was released to the inpatient rehab center at the hospital in Rancho Mirage. He started radiation there. They released him home to me about 3 1/2 weeks later and that lasted all of 4 days. Even with home health we were not equipped to care for him properly. I took him back to San Diego to the specialists and at that point they told me that the tumor had spread and that I should look at hospice. He went into a SNF at that point, was there for about 10 days and then after another trip to the ER because he was having trouble eating anything or drinking, they told me that hospice was my option. He lasted a week there and passed on August 25th. I signed up for this site because like everyone else on it that I've read so far, we all share all of the same feelings. No one else can understand unless they have been in our shoes. I lost not only my husband of only 11 years, but also my business partner. The tumor was so aggressive that we never had time to discuss anything. Everything that everyone says is true. The crying in the shower, in the car, basically anywhere and everywhere, the feelings of losing the one person that you can trust, the questions that are unanswerable that we all ask ourselves anyway...and it goes on and on. It's like a nightmare that we never can wake up from. I'm hoping that having a place to vent and to share experiences with others will help me and if I learn anything along the way that I can share that will be helpful to someone else that will be something that I can do.